you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
