Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
