watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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