You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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