After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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