God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
