So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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