Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
