Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Tornado booty call.. dedication
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
