I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
