Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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