Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
