He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Randomize
