everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
