I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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