No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
