yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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