if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
