If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize