How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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