I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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