i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
