The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
it hurts more in the daytime
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
