Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
