I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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