My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
