You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
