Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
