My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
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