If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
