the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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