the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
