i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
