now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
NoShamevember. You game?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
