so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
