real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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