A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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