What a fucking waste of an outfit
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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