he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
