My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
