Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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