Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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