I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
