i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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