Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize