He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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