I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
