I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
