I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
