I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
