woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
