He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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