so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Randomize
