Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
