thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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