just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
