Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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