Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
