dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
