I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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