I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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