I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
