just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
