I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
