its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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