Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
she woke up with a sticky ear
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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