there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize