When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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