You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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