Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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