he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
