I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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