grandma shit on top of the toilet
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
