More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
