You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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