Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
